Dealing with a Long Distance Relationship (LDR)

On our respective graduations 2007 and 2008

 
    I recently watched  a film called Going the Distance starring Drew Barrymore and Justin Long. The film was OK at best but what resonated with me was what the two protagonists had to deal with. An issue that I was all to familiar with this past year. The issue being keeping a relationship going despite being thousands of miles away from your beloved.

   As you well know, I have a long term boyfriend who I fondly named Doc on this blog (8 years and still liking the sight of each other!) and I left him for a whole YEAR - discounting his trip out to visit me in August - to work and live in Indonesia. Am I nuts? Maybe. It was one of the hardest decisions I had ever made, but one that I do not regret because if anything, our love for each other grew stronger for everyday we were apart. You know the saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder', corny but very true!

This was not the first time Doc and I were not in the same place for a long period time. At university, we did the long distance thing when he was doing his year in industry near London, I was finishing up my course in Leeds. It was not ideal but we saw each other fortnightly and enjoyed banter on a then new thing called Facebook. Since then we had not been apart for more than two weeks and then Indonesia happened. I'm not going to lie, I started missing him after my third week. One too many longing Skype chats and of course the occasional breakdown made me miss my love even more. Our August reunion meant that we had not physically seen each other for six months and our reunion in Edinburgh airport a few weeks ago was another five months from that.

On holiday in Bali 2013

Despite being separated by 7 time zones and being 14 hours away by flight; we miraculously made it work! But how you wonder? I'll tell you:

• I made Skype my new bosom buddy - Doc and I spoke to each other nearly everyday using it to video chat and instant message each other (when the internet works). It is also cost effective when talking on a landline. I also recommend What's App and Facebook Messenger if you both have smartphones (I did not have smartphone in Indonesia). Communication is key for the survival of any relationship.
• Being clear on the parameters of our relationship - It is important to have an honest and open conversation about your relationship with your significant other before embarking on an LDR such as defining it and what are your hopes and expectations for it. From that conversation, you should get a clear idea if you want to enter an LDR with this person. Doc and I have a long term relationship so we were pretty clear that we were exclusive and hope to go one step further when I return to the UK.
• Trying to communicate in a different way - With the advancements made in telecommunications, some of the ways of old can be very touching. Writing letters might seem old-fashioned but it holds a great deal of sweet sentimentality, not to mention the fact that it keeps the relationship interesting and romantic! That being said, I did not write Doc any letters while I was in Indonesia ( it would take forever to get to the UK!) but I did it when we had our first separation at university. For Indonesia, I dropped a video message once a month in his Dropbox.

Croatia 2007

• Being positive about not seeing each other - Staying positive about the relationship is essential. So in order to have a happier outlook, drop the negativity about not seeing each other all the time! Channel the negativity into something else like a new hobby, for me it was getting to know my housemates, creating this blog, focus on my job and exploring Indonesia.
• Don't take it personal or be jealous -  Things can get hectic for both of you with work and other social engagements getting in the way. But never take it personally if one of you forgot to respond to a message or missed a call or feel guilty about missing an arranged chat because you were busy getting hammered at Ladies night (guilty as charged) . We had those moments but we had to be flexible and understanding about it and move on from it.

Jamaica 2009

• Relax and do it - I am an advocate of  Skype sex. Some people might be prudish about it ( I know I certainly was) but it is key to keeping the physical aspect of the relationship in check. 

Have any of you been in a long distance relationship? How did you deal?