Dealing with a Long Distance Relationship (LDR)

On our respective graduations 2007 and 2008

 
    I recently watched  a film called Going the Distance starring Drew Barrymore and Justin Long. The film was OK at best but what resonated with me was what the two protagonists had to deal with. An issue that I was all to familiar with this past year. The issue being keeping a relationship going despite being thousands of miles away from your beloved.

   As you well know, I have a long term boyfriend who I fondly named Doc on this blog (8 years and still liking the sight of each other!) and I left him for a whole YEAR - discounting his trip out to visit me in August - to work and live in Indonesia. Am I nuts? Maybe. It was one of the hardest decisions I had ever made, but one that I do not regret because if anything, our love for each other grew stronger for everyday we were apart. You know the saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder', corny but very true!

This was not the first time Doc and I were not in the same place for a long period time. At university, we did the long distance thing when he was doing his year in industry near London, I was finishing up my course in Leeds. It was not ideal but we saw each other fortnightly and enjoyed banter on a then new thing called Facebook. Since then we had not been apart for more than two weeks and then Indonesia happened. I'm not going to lie, I started missing him after my third week. One too many longing Skype chats and of course the occasional breakdown made me miss my love even more. Our August reunion meant that we had not physically seen each other for six months and our reunion in Edinburgh airport a few weeks ago was another five months from that.

On holiday in Bali 2013

Despite being separated by 7 time zones and being 14 hours away by flight; we miraculously made it work! But how you wonder? I'll tell you:

• I made Skype my new bosom buddy - Doc and I spoke to each other nearly everyday using it to video chat and instant message each other (when the internet works). It is also cost effective when talking on a landline. I also recommend What's App and Facebook Messenger if you both have smartphones (I did not have smartphone in Indonesia). Communication is key for the survival of any relationship.
• Being clear on the parameters of our relationship - It is important to have an honest and open conversation about your relationship with your significant other before embarking on an LDR such as defining it and what are your hopes and expectations for it. From that conversation, you should get a clear idea if you want to enter an LDR with this person. Doc and I have a long term relationship so we were pretty clear that we were exclusive and hope to go one step further when I return to the UK.
• Trying to communicate in a different way - With the advancements made in telecommunications, some of the ways of old can be very touching. Writing letters might seem old-fashioned but it holds a great deal of sweet sentimentality, not to mention the fact that it keeps the relationship interesting and romantic! That being said, I did not write Doc any letters while I was in Indonesia ( it would take forever to get to the UK!) but I did it when we had our first separation at university. For Indonesia, I dropped a video message once a month in his Dropbox.

Croatia 2007

• Being positive about not seeing each other - Staying positive about the relationship is essential. So in order to have a happier outlook, drop the negativity about not seeing each other all the time! Channel the negativity into something else like a new hobby, for me it was getting to know my housemates, creating this blog, focus on my job and exploring Indonesia.
• Don't take it personal or be jealous -  Things can get hectic for both of you with work and other social engagements getting in the way. But never take it personally if one of you forgot to respond to a message or missed a call or feel guilty about missing an arranged chat because you were busy getting hammered at Ladies night (guilty as charged) . We had those moments but we had to be flexible and understanding about it and move on from it.

Jamaica 2009

• Relax and do it - I am an advocate of  Skype sex. Some people might be prudish about it ( I know I certainly was) but it is key to keeping the physical aspect of the relationship in check. 

Have any of you been in a long distance relationship? How did you deal?

Chocolate Bule Meltdown

This was a blog post long in the making. I had probably hinted at my state of mind a few months ago in a past blog. You see I had a meltdown. Not a psychotic episode or a bad day at school or having a fight with my housemates, no I had a few miserable months. October, November and December to be exact. This coincided with my absence from the blogosphere in that period. The scary thing was that apart from Doc, I did not relay my fears to none of my housemates or friends. That I was going through a depressing period in Jakarta. I did not want any one to comfort me because I've always been an individual who could look after myself emotionally and therefore did not need anyone to look after me.

Unbeknownst to my friends and colleagues, I acted like everything was fine. I went to work, did my classes, gossiped with my colleagues. Everything was normal on the outside. But the reality was that I was struggling to keep it together on the inside. I was crying in my sleep, I had trouble sleeping (I would get 4 hours if I'm lucky) and I would comfort eat on all the things that were bad for me (J.CO Donuts, Ice cream, pizza, etc). The binge eating could not quell any of the negative feelings and almost immediately I would feel horrible. What was wrong with me? Why did I feel this way? How can I overcome this?

Now that I've given myself time to reflect on those months, I realized where all the negativity came from.It was the fact that I was returning home with no great prospects plus my own insecurities as a teacher. As listed below here are some of the reasons and some probable solutions.

1.)  Doubting myself as a teacher- I got given a low level adult class , a challenging teen class, a low- intermediate business class that was out of school and an intermediate business class at another school . These were classes that I've found to be tricky to teach despite my experience in teaching these levels. The elementary adult class in particular was a pain in my ass because they did not appreciate the fact that they were there to learn and not gossip. I walked out of that class a couple of times because they pissed me off that much.  The low level intermediate teen class also did my nut in because in that class I had far too many clowns who sat together and refused to work with other classmates especially female ones and therefore made the classes awkward and difficult to teach.In spite of that, I did like the little bastards in the end. The intermediate business class at the other school was fine; however, with business English the danger is low attendance and in a class of 5, there were many times I had one on one lessons with a student. Needless to say, this further pissed me off!

This then created a knock on effect on my other classes. I was just not inspired to teach, I was over it! My poor low-intermediate business class and young learners bore the brunt of it because I no longer cared. I stopped planning lessons and instead stuck to mundane bookwork which is not exciting for myself or the students. It is easy to blame the students lack of attendance and in some cases lack of enthusiasm that indeed affected me as a teacher.

I felt it wass my job to stir up interest and make them want to learn. But as I learned, education is a two way street. I could only do so much as the teacher and it is up to the students to learn and study the language outside of the classroom. My biggest peeves with all my students was tardiness and lack of attendance which of course affects their learning and ability to pass the course. I had two options either keep planning to the best of my ability and teach or stop giving a shit. I chose the later. This is not to say that I did not care about my classes and how I taught them, this was more to do with letting the students' have their own autonomy on learning. I was too scared of my students failing because of how it would reflect on me as a teacher and instead just focussed on the matter at hand which was to deliver a good lesson and if all else failed there were always extra lessons for struggling students.

2. What the fuck am I going to do when I get back to UK? Is a question I've been asking myself since November. Now that I am no longer employed, the bubble has well and truly burst. The realization that I'm no longer an ESL teacher evaporated the moment I received my bonus and flight reimbursement. I realized 'shit, this is what I have to live on for the next month and beyond'. I am so scared of going back jobless and then six months down the line, still be in that state. This question has been asked by my friends, family and even Doc. It has given me sleepless nights and headaches. After having this job, I can't look at another desk job ever again without thinking that this shit is going to be boring. So, I decided that I will venture out my once comfort zone and look seriously at areas that take my interest. ESL is of course one of those areas, in addition to social media and being a teaching assistant.

So what am I going to do? Take charge that's what! I am very fortunate to have a boyfriend who would not allow me to wallow in self loathing and unemployment; therefore, he said he will help me on my quest to find gainful employment. My five point plan of action for survival in Edinburgh is this:

• See my loved ones family, in-laws and friends in my first few weeks home.
• Fix up my CV. I'm tinkering my LinkedIn profile as we speak and will do the same with my paper CV.
• APPLY, APPLY, APPLY- for any and everything well except for bar work and waitressing. I will also look into volunteer work to beef up my ESL experience.
• Apply for a CELTA or CertTESOL course for the April, May, June and July period. I got my eye on a couple of schools in Edinburgh so watch this space. I'm aiming for that period so that by that time I could pay with my salary (if I get a job).
• If all else fails get on the Dole - well I'll give it a couple of months before I start applying.

3. Food Inglorious Food - I am gluttonous human. I binge on all kinds of bad things and it was made worst when I moved here. because most of the bad things were dirt cheap. On a weekly basis, I gorged on a variety of junk food, Indonesian food (which is fried everything and no vegetables) and drank free alcohol like it was going out of fashion (ladies night what can I say?). Great diet right? WRONG!  I virtually cut out vegetables and healthy carbs and fibre out of my diet.  Of course all of this was not good for me and so my body said fuck you and in return constipation, dehydration, migraines, insomnia, weight gain (put on 10lbs since I've been here) and stunted hair growth. I was not happy with myself because I did not feel healthy. So I reasoned with myself and felt some changes had to be made on my part.

My solution is this. When I return to the UK, I will binge for a few weeks on all the stuff that I missed out on while in Indonesia (bacon, cheese, cider, donuts and the like) and then get started on my diet and exercise plan that will eliminate all those lovely but bad things and replace them with bland but good things starting with the scary Master Clense detox diet and then phasing out processed food, alcohol and all the other bad shit. Yoga and swimming will be apart of my fitness regime as well as hill walking and biking. Doc is super happy about the latter as it is his favourite hobby.

I am happy to report that I am over my meltdown and now I can only look forward to returning home but at the same time look back with pride and fondness of my time in Indonesia.

Happy Birthday to me!

Today I celebrate my 11 month anniversary with work or you could say in a little over a month my time in Indonesia will be over and I'll be heading back to the UK. But enough of that, today is the day I kick odd my birthday celebrations. Tomorrow is the actual day, but seen as it is a Sunday, I am not that well (been suffering from the worst head cold) and nothing  particularly planned -apart from a trip to Facebar - I'll see where the night takes me.

Christmas in Flores - The Rundown

    I've just returned from a five day trip to the beautiful island of Flores where I saw Komodo dragons on Komodo Island and also trekked to Cunca (pronounced Chuncha) Rami Waterfalls. I was accompanied by Girl J, Scotty J and The Swan ( returning teacher and friend of Scotty J). The Swan and I stayed at CF Komodo Hotel while the Jays stayed at the Bayview Gardens Hotel - which were not far from each other - in the town of Labuan Bajo. A former fishing village, Labuan Bajo has now been brought to life by tourism . You see Labuan Bajo is the gateway to amazing diving and snorkelling spots such as Kanawa and Seraya. In addition to that, the islands of Komodo and Rinca - home to the famous Komodo Dragons - are TO-DO when in West Flores. So here is a breakdown of

DAY 1

   The Jays and I left their apartment at 2:20AM (yep an early morning thing) to catch a cab to the airport. The taxi driver was the fastest ever because we got there at 2:50. This was too early for the Merpati check-in dudes to open (our flight is at 5:30) so we waited around for an hour before they opened and waited at least another half an hour to finally check in *smh*. After all that, we decided to get ourselves some food. I am not good at keeping meals in my stomach on moving vehicles, I had an orange juice and croissant, while the Jays had coffees and croissants (can't remember what kind though). After stuffing our faces, we went to the departure gate to wait for our flight. As we were extremely tired, I was in and out of a sleepy haze along with Scotty J. Girl J was getting a bit irritated as time was ticking by and we had not boarded our flight yet (5:30am take-off remember!) and it is already in the region of 5. I shared her anxiety as we had to make a connecting flight in Bali which had a layover time of 45 minutes so we could not be delayed at any rate but there we were. We were finally in the air at 6:00am praying that we don't miss our connection. When we finally landed (5 minutes to reach our connection) we approached the transit desk who told us that the flight was now going to leave in 45 minutes instead. So for the most disaster was avoided and we made our flight.

We landed in rainy Labuan Bajo at 12:00 (due to a delay of course). Completely shattered, I tried to call my hotel to pick me up but I wasn't getting any signal on my phone. The Jays ride picked us while I was still trying to call my hotel. The driver then informed me that phone doesn't work because the network does not work in this part Indonesia (FUUUCCK!!) Girl J lent me her phone for the time being as the car dropped me off. We agreed to meet after having a snooze and a shower and explore the town and have lunch. Showering was very interesting because it was an outdoor shower while the rain was falling made it a strangely invigorating experience. We planned our activities for the rest of the week over our Italian lunch in what was a miserable day of weather. Tomorrow, The Swan arrives and hire motorbikes for the day (weather permitting) , Tuesday: Waterfalls Trek, Wednesday (Christmas Day): Komodo Trip. I was hoping that weather got better for the rest of the holiday, I left the praying to Girl J. We stumbled upon a shop that sold wine for 150,000rph (bargain!) and had dinner at a shisha bar with a live band and called it a night at around 10pm.

DAY 2

The Swan arrived on schedule at 1:00pm and is placed in the room next door (no more lonely breakfast for this chick).We also had a little chat catching up and enquiring about his journey, he said he had a hassle free flight (lucky bastard!) After he sorted himself out, we met the Jays to search for the Two Dragons bar (which we didn't find) for lunch, instead we settled with  a restaurant with a lovely view( too bad the weather was still crap). We played a few games of cards and showed Swan the town . The weather had not improved, so we decided against motorcycles today and instead went back to the Jays' place for drinking copious amounts of wine, conversation card playing and of course, having a sing song to Christmas tunes! We then went to eat at a seafood restaurant near the Jays called Pesona Bali where I had the yummiest Grilled Fish ever! After satisfying our appetite, we called it a night as we had an early start for the waterfalls (7:50 pickup eek!)

DAY 3 Christmas Eve

I was up at the crack of dawn to prepare for the trek to Cunca Rami Waterfalls, there was mild improvement where the weather was concerned . The trek I understood was an hour long with the possibility of jumping of the falls. I was excited and could not wait to do it. The Swan and I had breakfast together and agreed to meet in 20 minutes to walk and meet the Jays to get picked up. Swan was taking his sweet little time getting ready, when Scotty J rang to ask where we were (the time is now 7:45) and I can imagine Girl J not being impressed. I hurried the slow Scotsman down the road and made it at 8.

So off we went on the hilly windy journey to Cunca Rami. We had each paid 200,000rph for the drive, the trek, a stop at some caves and lunch, I suppose that's a fair deal! The road to the Cunca Rami was long and windy therefore, I had a doze until we stopped of a photo opportunity of us overlooking West Flores as you do. Not long after that, we reached the site. We were given a chirpy looking guide dude whose name now escapes me and went on our way.

The trek was a wet and  muddy yet exhilarating affair. I have never been one to be one with nature but I had certainly enjoyed the trek down. What made it even more entertaining was Scotty J's cumbersome trek oh bless his Bambi legs. We finally made it the water cascading heavily down the falls and the water vapour refreshing us after the sweaty trek down. Swan and I had a refreshing but brief swim while Jays seemed to be content just taking pictures and looking at it. I dawned on me that there was not an area to jump off from (unless I wanted to end up in hospital) so that was a bit disappointing. After we had our swim, we got dressed and started the long journey back with a new companion...rain! The trek felt shorter but my word it was definitely wetter. When we finally reached the top, we were surprised that our ride was nowhere to be seen and the guide hinted for us to give him a tip. The situation was at best bemusing so we gave the guide his tip (50,000rph each) and our driver appeared saying ' Go home?' bemused looks all around. We jumped into the car for the trip 'home'.

 We told the driver that we were hungry and he stopped at a Padang restaurant which neither of us were in mode for so we asked him to drop us off at Pesona Bali. He dropped and that was it. Wait a minute, I thought lunch was included in the deal and what happened with caves?! Girl J and I were not impressed. To be honest, we were not in the mood for the caves as the rain was pelting down. We sat down and agreed that the waterfalls was good but could have spent more time considering the trek there and back was longer than the time spent at the waterfalls itself. We ate our lunch and agreed to have a shower, have a rest and meet the Jays at their place.

After showering ,blasting away the dirt on my Timberlands and a wee sleep, I headed down to the Jays sans Swan (he was skyping his folks). Further wine consumption and chat ensued until dinner time. We decided to give another Italian restaurant a go, this time we tried Mediterraneo. The atmosphere was all Christmas cheerfulness and glee and the  menu looked to die for. I chowed down as much of my Spaghetti Ameritriana as possible but couldn't because the Nasi Goreng I had earlier was still present in my stomach. I gave the rest to the human dustbin that is Swan. We agreed to have our Christmas dinner here because the service was phenomenal and the food was beautiful. We had an early night to prepare for an even earlier start 6:00 in the morning at the harbour for the Komodo trip.

Day 4 Christmas Day

Our day started bright and early, actually not really bright as the weather was still not great. Nevertheless, Swan and I wandered down to the Jays place to get picked up and dropped off at the harbour for our 6:00 boat to Komodo. Expecting to see a car there waiting for us, there was nothing. We wandered up to reception to the Jays bear in mind now the time is 5:50 alarms bells are ringing!
The guy who we booked the tour with rocked up and said we had to make our own to the harbour. Exasperated at the thought of missing the boat, we quickly made our way to the harbour in the rain via a rocky and muddy shortcut into town. We got to the pier and waited. We were approached by a guy asked for our shoe sizes for snorkelling gear. Everyone started to eat their breakfast apart from because I was still full from yesterday's meals (weird I know!) we waited alongside an older Indonesian couple who were joining us.

We finally got word that they were ready to board, while I was happy to finally embark on our adventure, I was extremely nervous about the weather conditions. Rain, choppy waters and a dodgy looking boat all made me petrified to board, but board I did and away we went I rain ponchos and all. Did I mention the water was choppy and that it was a 4 HOUR ride to Komodo? I tried to distract myself by falling asleep on the bench provided but the combination of the windy rain and choppy waters made it very difficult to do so. And then it happened. Yesterday's meal(s) were still very present in my stomach and my stomach did not like the motion of the boat. All this manifested itself in a spewing session overboard much to my chagrin and the amusement of the Indonesian couple (bastards!) In truth, I felt a hell of a lot better after that and slept with relative ease.

We finally reached Komodo National Park at around 11:30, our boat man said he was giving us an hour at the park (bemused looks all around). We reached the front office where we were told that we had to pay bule price despite having our KITAS (work permit for foreign workers) but that did not matter an iota (turns out it did and we were scammed UGH!) We paid our fees and set off on our nature walk with two guides. We saw flying lizards, deer, pigeons and spotted a Komodo Dragon briefly. The trek was too brief for our liking and without the proper sighting of a dragon left me peeved. All the money for some deer and a so-so hike  OH HELL NO! And then we saw them...Komodo Dragons. About six of them in plain sight, they had just finished feasting on the rotten carcass of a goat provided by the rangers. There was some deer nearby oh how I would I love to have seen a dragon in action on the deer. After that, we picked up some beverages for the boat and proceeded onto the idyllic Pink Beach for a swim and snorkel. The snorkelling was average at best and the currant was very strong, I did not have a good swim. But chilling on the beach was awesome. The sand was made pink from the remnants of pink coral that washed up onshore. We chilled there for an hour before it was time to get back to the boat and head home.

After a quick shower and an angcot ride, we sat down for our very Italian Christmas meal. Unfortunately, there was no turkey but there fish and pork that more than filled the gap. I had the standard 3 courses while everybody else the 5 course Christmas menu. I could help but laugh at Girl J on her impending 'food baby'. The food was superb and certainly will be a Christmas I won't forget.




DAY 5

After excursions over the last few days, this was the rest day. The weather was a lot better today than any other day. I briefly Skyped my folks wishing them a Merry Christmas and drank the remainder of my wine and chatted with Girl J. We decided to find a beach and chill out. We had lunch, bought some wine and got our walking legs on to find a nearby beach. The beach we did find was no Pink Beach, it was dirty and littered but hey we made the most of it but quiet. We chatted, joked and laughed about life whilst getting tipsy on wine. We noticed a truckful of Indonesians having a good time on the other side of the beach which was fine until they started approaching us. The teens of the group came by and started making awkward conversation with us, lost in translation much?! Soon we had the whole family rocking up next to us, seriously there was like 20 of them. The elder of the family gave the boys a bit of his Arak (Indonesian liquor) in exchange for a bit of their wine. He preferred Scotty J's rose to Swan's chardonnay (weirdo). Cue obligatory photos with Indonesians. After that, the family cleared off and we decided to call it a day as the sun set on our last day in Flores.

This trip was my Christmas away from my family and while it felt strange but I will look back on this particular holiday with many fond memories and a head cold.

When was your first Christmas away from home?




  

A long overdue update

I think I'm due a long overdue update so where do I begin?!

August and September departures and arrivals - September was one of the worst months for me as both Withnail and Irish C have departed from Jakarta. Irish C's departure was hastened by the tragic passing of his mother. I know he will be back soon but I do miss his Irish charm in the staffroom. My dear Withnail left Jakarta on the day Doc arrived so my sadness was mixed with joy and butterflies. I have no one to bitch about how crap Man United to (apart from Doc of course!) He is now living it up in Italy. S left Jakarta  just over a week before Withnail, her effervescence is missed at workshops. So with departures come arrivals. I have new housemates who are sound and bubbly and have brought back the house spirit. Lovely Irish lass called B and larger than life Welsh dude Veruca arrived in August after during Eid-ul-Fitri. Myself, Manc C and Lola - housemate since April, I don't think I've mentioned her before on here - are very happy with our house. We also got Kent L, a newbie who used to live somewhere else but now lives with replacing The Weird One.

About The Weird One - I don't think I've ever mentioned him before but my now ex housemate was quite a  strange man and from what I understand not a good teacher. He recently got the sack and if I'm being honest I will not miss him because he creeped the shit out of me and Lola, not to mention he always left the kitchen in a terrible state.

Beginners *smh* - At the moment, I am teaching adult beginners Business English and it is probably the most frustrating thing ever. One of the  things with learning a new language is to practice the language so that it remains fresh; however, this advice gets lost in translation. I rarely teach adult beginners so it is something very new and challenging. I feel patronising speaking slowly to adults but if I spoke at normal rate I would get the usual 'Apa?' which is not a good thing if my students can't understand me. I think if I did a CELTA course then I would be fully prepared for situations like this one I'm in. I also despise the textbook being used, it utterly shite!

The IWB is my friend - The Interactive Whiteboard brings my lessons to life. It works a treat especially with my young classes. I am not a proficient user by any stretch of the imagination but it has saved a couple of dire lessons. Totally recommend it for ESL teaching.

Being in Charge - This week saw me doing two very senior things. First one was invigilating TOEIC exams taken by a corporate class I used to teach. It has to be the most boring thing I have ever done n my entire life. In fact, I'd rather sit the exam. And now I have to mark the papers,UGH!!! The second thing I had to do was organizing the school's Spelling Bee as the DOS and senior teacher were off doing courses. I had to co-ordinate the teachers and staff and mark paper plus also take responsibility for any fuck ups. Thankfully, things went smoothly because everything was so well organized.

Flores for Christmas -  I will be spending Christmas on the island of Flores with the J's. I am super excited about this as Flores is another island that I've heard nothing but good things. It is the gateway to the island of Komodo to see the famous Komodo Dragons. Flores is a beautiful island and I can't wait to explore it!

Before I forget - I got a Band 4 in the Teaching Knowledge Test. Band 4 is the highest by the way so GO ME!

That's all that's new with me! Stay tuned for more updates.