Friends - The Album

Me with Girl J, Little C and Sister J on a night out

One of the things I will take away from my time in Jakarta are the number of friends I made. Most were British, some were American, Canadian and the odd Antipodean and Irish. I mentioned in the previous post that my friends were the #1 in things I miss since leaving. I miss drinking, laughing, eating, gossiping,travelling and crying with these people; we were a big,fat mad family. One of the saddest things to happen due to the nature of the job is that after twelve months people leave. Some go back home, some move onto another country or move onto another company within the city.My time in Jakarta was spent cultivating these friendships and Lord knows if I did not have these friendships, I would have had a difficult time adjusting to Indonesia.I want to dedicate this post to those lovely people who I left behind or left me in Jakarta. Some of them you would recognize by their 'names' from previous posts. So it would be awesome just to put a face to the name of some of these lovely people. 

 To kick off my little album, let me start with The Jays, i.e Girl J and Scottish J. These two became my two favourite people there especially Girl J. Prior to leaving the UK, I got in touch with Girl J to introduce myself in the hopes of making an amiable impression, what did I get in return? A welcome pack of an apple, Pop-Mie and a letter welcoming me to the house since everyone was at work. I was impressed! Scottish J was the first of my housemates I met. He got me sorted with changing my money and other little essentials on my first night in Jakarta. They both moved out of the house in March and lived in a nearby apartment complex due to Girl J getting a job at an embassy school. Regardless, of them leaving we remained close. I saw Scottish J a lot through work and socializing, while Girl J and I did lunch, window shopped and other girlie pursuits. Scottish J has been the most incredible help to me especially in times when I was doubting myself as a Business English teacher, not to mention he is also one of the nicest guys I have ever met. The Jays finish up in Jakarta in July and August respectively, but they are going to be in Scotland this week with Girl J staying with me for a couple of nights.

 Little C - Another nice Canadian girl who made the first six months in Jakarta awesome! Best housemate I ever had for sure. One of my personal highlights was her birthday. We all went to Immigrant, a posh nightclub where we danced our asses off till 5 in the morning. Along with Sister J, she dubbed our little group 'The Oreo'. Funny and gregarious, a part of me died a little when she left in July but here we are looking forward to seeing each other in Denmark in May after 10 months of not seeing each other.

Sister J - Whenever anybody needed a ray of sunshine, just look at Sister J's smile and all is right with the world again. When I got the job in November, I asked the recruiter for the e-mail address of a new teacher to ask them about their experience living in Jakarta. We began to exchange e-mails and became Facebook friends. I was pleasantly surprised that she was black and quickly bonded over black girl issues mainly hair related. She lived and worked in the North Jakarta so I did not get to hang out with her as much as people that lived in the centre with me but she was good value for hanging out. Sister J left in October and has since resettled in London. We got back in touch when I returned and plan to meet up in London as soon as I start working. 

D - My friendship with D started like how all new friendships start, over social media. I was introduced to D by her former workmate who I met on Twitter to discuss living in Jakarta said workmate put me in touch with D. When I added D as a Facebook friend, I was surprised to find she was friends with my Dad. It turns out she shot a documentary about Jerk cuisine and my Dad was one of the chefs she interviewed. Small world or what? Her contract finished in March but she has since got a job in Bali and we maintained contact ever since. This lady's spirit and wanderlust is awe-inspiring and it is just always awesome to meet Jamaicans in far flung parts of the world. Check out her blog right here!

Kiwi E and Manc C - My workmates and the dearest of girls. Manc C (from Manchester) was in Jakarta only a couple of weeks before me and worked at another school and lived in the north of Jakarta. We bonded on our trip to Singapore and decided to celebrate us passing our probation by going to Lombok and the Gilis together. Eventually Manc C moved into my house and school and are friendship continued to grow. She decided to stay another year to explore the scuba diving that's on offer here. Kiwi E came in April and we quickly bonded over our mutual love for Facebar, Ladies' nights and small children (more me than her). I had a giggle with these ladies at work and I wish them all the best in their future endeavours.

 

B - My delightful Irish housemate who arrived in August. After losing Little C, I did not know who was going to replace her but I hoped it was another lovely girl. Thank goodness for her! B's good nature, sense of humour and radiant smile won me over and we became really good friends. We plan to meet up in London or Dublin or Edinburgh. I look forward to seeing her again and have right ole knees-up.

Kitty -  I met this delightful American through Aussie R and Girl J at an Indian lunch buffet. At the time she was working for another franchise of my company where she was the only girl yiikes! As such, she was taken into the our sisterly bosoms as one of our own. We bonded over musicals, costume dramas, Richard Armitage and Disney. She has stayed on another year but teaching at an Australian feeder school where she teaches Literature and Global Citizenship where she is relishing her role. She even masterminded a hilarious but poignant goodbye video for me. I am hopeful we'll see each other again whether it's here in the UK or in her hometown of Boston drinking a cup of tea singing a song or two.

Lola -  This party-loving creature of the night is all kinds of awesome. She had her own dance, her own style and her own laugh. She took me to the airport where we both tearfully said goodbye to each other.I am so grateful for that as I would have gone to the airport on my own and cry by myself. I look forward to seeing her when she gets back here; I do miss her cackle.

Boy L - One of the sweetest guys you will ever meet. Boy L moved in in October after the sacking and eventual departure of 'he who shan't be named'. He had no problems joining in the Cang (pronounced chang) family. We both shared a love for football and tennis and engaged in banter and he's a great laugh on nights-out. I'm super excited for all the cool things this year has in store for him personally and professionally. Without a doubt, one of the best people I met out there and I miss the wee dear.

The album is to be continued.

Five Things I Miss and Five Things I Don't Miss about Jakarta

Mal Sarinah in Jakarta Pusat

It's been 9 weeks since I left Jakarta and I miss the bitch! This south-east Asian concrete jungle of a city was my home for a year and what an intense experience it was? In the beginning, there was not a day that went by where I got pissed off with it and vented my frustrations to my house mates, colleagues or anyone that listened for that matter. The honest truth was that I did not love Jakarta! However, as  time went on, my attitude towards Jakarta mellowed out and I became tolerant and at some points liked it. As I mentioned before, I did not love Jakarta, but I appreciated her for taking me and not swallowing me whole as she had done to so many other foreigners. In the 9 weeks I've been away from her, I've reflected on my time there and I realised how much I got out of it. Friendship,a career option and the opportunity to travel. So I compiled a list of ten things - i.e. five things I miss and five things I don't miss - about living in Jakarta.

• I don't miss Jakarta traffic - I foreshadowed that this was going to be the bane of my existence in this blog and it continued to irritate the hell out of me the longer I lived there. Indonesians are some of the worst drivers in the world and it is any wonder why there are so many road fatalities in Jakarta alone? The worst was during wet season when people just forgot how to drive and created five lanes of traffic with malicious sounding car horns going on and on. I however dealt with it as well as I could and just rolled with it like every other sucker.
• I miss Indonesian food  -  If I'm being very honest, I did not love Indonesian food. I thought it lacked depth of flavour and was not very diverse. I could probably call it the British of Asian cuisine (very unfair!) Most Indonesian food is served warungs ,street carts, Padang restaurants and regular restaurants that specialise in regional Indonesian cuisine. But I digress, I did love some of the food on offer and ate them with no problems and as often as I could especially if it was SO good. My favourites were Beef Rendang (2nd picture),Sate Ayam (1st picture), Nasi Uduk,Ayam Goreng and Nasi Goreng.

• I don't miss taxi drivers - I can say with confidence that around 60% of the taxi drivers in Jakarta alone have tried to rip me off. The main reason for this is because I'm non-Indonesian and female *smh*. Another pet peeve I had was the drivers' lack of knowledge of the city. Unless you know where you are going,chances are you are going to get lost. The more lost you are, the more expensive cab ride will be.That shit frustrated me to death and I walked out on a few occasions and walked to my destination.
• I miss ojeks - Oh ojeks! (picture below). So much fun and so much frustration at the same time. Let me explain the fun part, an exhilarating and often times dangerous ride on these mad men on bikes gets you where you need to go within reason of course (ojeks don't go from one end of Jakarta to the next). Often, they got me where I needed to go in quick time, weaving in and out of traffic like a boss. The frustration came with bargaining with the occasional a-hole and dealing with their chauvinistic attitudes towards me, which I dealt with by telling them in kind exactly what I thought in English and Bahasa. Regardless, I enjoyed the ojeks and took them rather than taxis.

• I don't miss the pollution - Jakarta is without a doubt one of the dirtiest cities I've ever lived in. The air reeked of car fumes, rubbish was strewn in the streets and rivers.Look at the picture below at the skyline,look at the smog! It's not like I'm not used to pollution but I had not seen it on this level before and I'm sure the more I travel, the more I'll see it.

• I miss Ladies' Nights -  Apart from Facebar, this was my home. Nothing more satisfying than drinking cocktails that were free after a long ass day. Ladies' Nights were in specific bars around the city. However, my favourite and the one in which I was a patron was Thursday night at the Grand Hyatt. It made sense because I did not work the next day lol! Can you imagine Ladies Night in Edinburgh or just anywhere in the UK? The bars would be drunk dry.
• I don't miss being stared at  - I already talked about my feelings of being black in Jakarta in this post. It became quite irritating towards the end that people on my street who I saw day in day out stared at me like I had two heads. Don't get me wrong I am not the only person who has been 'othered', many of my colleagues- majority of whom are white - had experienced being stared at like they had not seen white people before. Bizarre considering you do see many some tourists trekking around Jakarta. Personally, I don't mind if people interact with me to try and get to know me but staring with no action is just plain rude and scary. 
•  I miss being in Indonesia - As much as I did not love Jakarta, I could not help but fall in love with Indonesia. Indonesia is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been and it was an honour living there. I only visited the popular islands of Bali (1st picture), Lombok (3rd picture) and Flores (2nd picture) but there is so much more to see and I would like to return and explore this lovely land. If I were to return to Indonesia, I would visit Sumatra, Sulawesi, Kalimantan,Papua and other parts of Java. I forgot to mention that I miss the heat now that I am back in 'sunny' Scotland.

• I don't miss smoking - I have a nasty secret to tell you... I started smoking again when I was in Indonesia!In Indonesia, there isn't a smoking ban like there is in the UK and cigarettes are dirt cheap (£1.00 a pack). Nearly everyone and there mother smoked here and it didn't help that my housemates and co-workers smoked too! It didn't take long for me to start having the odd one when I was drinking at a bar or a club. So one became two and then I started buying my own pack five years after quitting. I then decided to quit a month before Doc visited and I was fag free until October when I was in the middle of my breakdown. I quit them for good in the new year since I was going back home (at £8 pack in the UK, can you blame me?!). But why start again in the first place? I don't know perhaps boredom, peer pressure, lack of vice, whatever; I started and stopped as soon as I could. Do I miss it? Not really in all honesty.
• I miss my friends - A journey is best measured in friends rather than miles is a quote from Tim Cahill. This certainly resonates with me as I met so many interesting and awesome people. I met some wonderful Indonesians who made me feel welcome and at home. They made me feel comfortable and put up with me butchering their language. I will also mostly miss my fellow teachers especially the ones I had the distinct pleasure of working and living with. They had been nothing but my tower of strength and support during my year. I certainly made some friends for life out there with whom I would like to embark on another adventure wherever it may be. As a matter of fact, Little C and I are going to Denmark in May and the Jays (picture below) are coming to Scotland next week with Girl J staying with me for a couple of days. Excited much? Yes I am.

Have you ever missed a place after returning home? How did you cope being back home?

Dealing with a Long Distance Relationship (LDR)

On our respective graduations 2007 and 2008

 
    I recently watched  a film called Going the Distance starring Drew Barrymore and Justin Long. The film was OK at best but what resonated with me was what the two protagonists had to deal with. An issue that I was all to familiar with this past year. The issue being keeping a relationship going despite being thousands of miles away from your beloved.

   As you well know, I have a long term boyfriend who I fondly named Doc on this blog (8 years and still liking the sight of each other!) and I left him for a whole YEAR - discounting his trip out to visit me in August - to work and live in Indonesia. Am I nuts? Maybe. It was one of the hardest decisions I had ever made, but one that I do not regret because if anything, our love for each other grew stronger for everyday we were apart. You know the saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder', corny but very true!

This was not the first time Doc and I were not in the same place for a long period time. At university, we did the long distance thing when he was doing his year in industry near London, I was finishing up my course in Leeds. It was not ideal but we saw each other fortnightly and enjoyed banter on a then new thing called Facebook. Since then we had not been apart for more than two weeks and then Indonesia happened. I'm not going to lie, I started missing him after my third week. One too many longing Skype chats and of course the occasional breakdown made me miss my love even more. Our August reunion meant that we had not physically seen each other for six months and our reunion in Edinburgh airport a few weeks ago was another five months from that.

On holiday in Bali 2013

Despite being separated by 7 time zones and being 14 hours away by flight; we miraculously made it work! But how you wonder? I'll tell you:

• I made Skype my new bosom buddy - Doc and I spoke to each other nearly everyday using it to video chat and instant message each other (when the internet works). It is also cost effective when talking on a landline. I also recommend What's App and Facebook Messenger if you both have smartphones (I did not have smartphone in Indonesia). Communication is key for the survival of any relationship.
• Being clear on the parameters of our relationship - It is important to have an honest and open conversation about your relationship with your significant other before embarking on an LDR such as defining it and what are your hopes and expectations for it. From that conversation, you should get a clear idea if you want to enter an LDR with this person. Doc and I have a long term relationship so we were pretty clear that we were exclusive and hope to go one step further when I return to the UK.
• Trying to communicate in a different way - With the advancements made in telecommunications, some of the ways of old can be very touching. Writing letters might seem old-fashioned but it holds a great deal of sweet sentimentality, not to mention the fact that it keeps the relationship interesting and romantic! That being said, I did not write Doc any letters while I was in Indonesia ( it would take forever to get to the UK!) but I did it when we had our first separation at university. For Indonesia, I dropped a video message once a month in his Dropbox.

Croatia 2007

• Being positive about not seeing each other - Staying positive about the relationship is essential. So in order to have a happier outlook, drop the negativity about not seeing each other all the time! Channel the negativity into something else like a new hobby, for me it was getting to know my housemates, creating this blog, focus on my job and exploring Indonesia.
• Don't take it personal or be jealous -  Things can get hectic for both of you with work and other social engagements getting in the way. But never take it personally if one of you forgot to respond to a message or missed a call or feel guilty about missing an arranged chat because you were busy getting hammered at Ladies night (guilty as charged) . We had those moments but we had to be flexible and understanding about it and move on from it.

Jamaica 2009

• Relax and do it - I am an advocate of  Skype sex. Some people might be prudish about it ( I know I certainly was) but it is key to keeping the physical aspect of the relationship in check. 

Have any of you been in a long distance relationship? How did you deal?

Temple Trekking in Yogyakarta

Mendut Temple

Prambanan Temple

Borobudur

My last holiday in Indonesia was to the city of Yogyakarta (pronounced jogjakarta). Located in Central Java, this city is renowned for being the centre of Javanese culture and fine art. It was also, for a time, the Indonesian capital during the Indonesian Revolution in the mid-1940's.

The first time I heard about Jogja was through a gay Belgian couple I had befriended on my flight over to Jakarta last January. They were going to visit the city and all the attractions it had offer, including seeing the temples Borobudur and Prambanan. This certainly got me interested in a possible visit in the next few months. As I got settled into Jakarta life and gotten to know my house mates, coincidently they had just spent Christmas there and had regaled me with tales of rafting and visiting the temples, my interest was piqued.

 I  made the decision to go by myself in January as a last tango in Indonesia. I booked my train for the 28th of January for five days. I knew from the get go that I wanted to do the temples, eat good Javanese food and treat myself with spa therapies as I like to be pampered on holiday. More than anything, this trip was to get my head right about heading home and leaving all my new found family here.

So I left Jakarta on a train at 8 in the morning. The journey was a long one (7 hours) so I managed to squeeze in some sleep despite having a male passenger playing a staring contest with me and my neighbour practising her elementary level English with me. I wanted to take some pictures of the lush green of the Javanese countryside ;however, it is rainy and horrible and my camera could capture the scenery well enough, boo hiss!

Despite all that, I arrived in overcast Jogja  and quickly went about looking for transport to my accommodation, EDU Hostel. I took a becak (pronounced be-chak) for 30,000rp from the train station. I took in the sights and smell of Jogja. It smelt of rain and nasi goreng, honestly! I checked in and went upstairs to my 6-bed dorm room(female). Thankfully there were only 3 of us in the room. I couldn't help but notice how big the hostel was and how clean and tidy the rooms were,definitely puts it in the running for best hostel I've stayed in. 

My primary reason for being in Jogja was to check out the temples so I went on a mission to find tours for the temples.The hostel offered multiple tours of the temples and other fun activities like rafting and batik printing classes. I then decided on the 8 hour sunrise tour of the temples (Be at Borobudur by 6am and then Mendut temple and Prambanan), I got talking to a couple of guys who coincidently were on the same train as I was. They decided to book the same trip as me ,what luck friends! One is an American Peace Corps volunteer on holiday leave from Ethiopia and the other a Brit from Coventry (my family's neck of the woods) who is travelling through to Australia for work. 

Before the crack of dawn (4:45am), we disembarked from our hostel and were treated to the history of the temple from guide. As I was still virtually asleep, I did not listen to the guide and slept soundly until we reached our destination. However I do remember him saying that Borobudur was built in the 9th century and the architecture was inspired by both Javanese elements as well as Indian art which gives it makes Indonesian. As it is a place of pilgrimage, the journey begins at the base of the monument and follow a path that leads to the top through the three levels of Buddhist Cosmology: Kamadhatu (world of desire), Rapadhatu (world of forms) and Arupadhatu (world of formlessness). 

I paid the local price as I had a laminated photocopy of my KITAS while my new mates had to pay the bule price (difference between 200,000rp and 30,000rp anyone?) on we went with our sarongs wrapped around our hips and a lovely old man as our guide we were free to explore this beautiful Buddhist temple. I couldn't help but marvel at the stone carvings that told stories and overlooking the beautiful golden sunrise. I was beyond astounded. It is incredible what the  human imagination and faith could make with hands. This place is a true wonder, I wonder what would have happened if Raffles did not 'discover' it 1814? Would we have found it? Probably.

 Although it was not crowded, there were a number of high schoolers who were waiting to talk to visitors to practice their English and have their obligatory snap with a foreigner. I was obliged to speak to them after the temple tour was finished and spoke to them about Britain (they thought I was American) and British slang and idioms. I guess I could never stop being a teacher. It was so time for us to go as our 2 hours were up so the boys and I headed towards a warung for our free breakfast which was not great in all honesty. Borobudur should be on every travellers list if they are passing through Java. It is truly worth it.

One of the 1,460 narrative relief panels found in Borobudur.

Stupas

Buddha in a stupa

New friends

The temple trekking continued with  Mendut Temple, Borobudur's 'infant'. It is 10 minute drive from Borobudur and is so small that we did the tour in 20 minutes. Despite the brevity of the tour, Mendut was still a lovely bit architecture and more surprising is the fact that it is older than Borobudur. The temple also shows carvings the Javanese bas-relief of Hariti, considered as a symbol of fertility. It is still used today during the Buddhist festival of Vesak, where Buddhists walk from Mendut to Pawon temple and end at Borobudur.

Hariti

Buddha

Temple inside the roof

We then moved onto Prambanan which was on the other side of Borobudur a 45-minute drive to be exact. Unlike the temples we had just seen, Prambanan was a Hindu temple complex. There are three main temples each named after a Hindu god in which the followers would worship; Shiva (the largest and most impressive in my opinion), Vishnu and Brahma. We had these high school kids as guides who knew their stuff but bless them their English was not great.I've convinced myself that Prambanan was used as a location for the opening scene of the Mortal Kombat film, I'm sure of it. It is similar to Borobudur because they have almost the same intricate stone carvings telling stories and legends. However, I was not blown away by it as I was to Borobudur. Prambanan does have many more smaller temples surrounding the complex, some of them were in a state of repair and other were beyond that stage. Nevertheless it was lovely to walk around the vast complex which included a market to buy souvenirs.

Remains of Bubruh temple

Hard hat for the Shiva shrine

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Sewu temple

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After spending two hours at the complex, it was time to call it a day. We headed back to our hostel tired but thoroughly satisfied with our exploits. I was particularly exhausted as I haven't had to get up that early since high school. I highly recommend visiting these temples as you would get a sense of Indonesia's religious past. I'll be honest, I thought it was Islam dominated from day one but these temples proved that was not the case. If you are foreign visitor expect to pay 200,000rp at both Borobudur and Prambanan. Mendut only cost 3,000rp. It is also best to visit Borobudur in the morning because in the afternoon it gets REALLY crowded. 

This next few days were all about kicking back relaxing by the pool, getting lovely messages and reflecting on my time Indonesia. Going to the temples is on my list of favourite I've done here and will never forget.

In Edinburgh

The Chocolate Bule has finally landed in the bonny Scottish capital of Edinburgh! 

I am in process of catching up on my beauty sleep as well as having some couple time with my beau as you can imagine I am exhausted either way you look at it, lol!

Today was my first full day in Edinburgh and I think I will enjoy it. I am not to far from the city centre and there are plenty of amenities like shops, salons and cafes that will do me just fine I reckon. I also ate a delicious lamb curry for dinner and a tasty Camembert, chorizo and kale sandwich courtesy of Doc for lunch to make up for the McDonald's we had yesterday - don't judge us, I was tired and hungry - for lunch/dinner.

Tomorrow, I will give my new city a thorough tour and see what's the crack. I also need to locate my nearest bank branch and find a phone shop so I can buy a smartphone (yeah!) and job agencies for my next career move (no!). 

Stay tuned!

Back from Yogyakarta and The End Is In Sight

It's been three days since I came back from Yogyakarta and now I have just over 24 hours before I board a twenty nine (29) hour flight bound for Edinburgh. Therefore, I've been a very little bee. I've been having dinners and brunches here and there, shopping for more souvenirs, watching pirated DVD's and of course packing a year of my life into two bags.

I am now packed but I still need to weigh my stuff as I'm allowed 32kg of hold luggage. I have sneaky suspicion that I am well over that. Tonight I'll have my last meal with my housemates and farewell drinks with everyone else. Hopefully it won't be a heavy one but I'll set my alarm from now just in case it is.

My next post will be about my time in Yogyakarta and how it has allowed me to come to peace with my time in Indonesia. I will continue writing blog posts about my time in Indonesia while I'm living in Edinburgh, but with a heavy heart I will no longer be living in the concrete jungle of Jakarta. I've come to both love and detest the place (reasons I will address in a post) but try as I might protest about the place; Jakarta has my heart forever.

See you in Edinburgh !

Chocolate Bule Meltdown

This was a blog post long in the making. I had probably hinted at my state of mind a few months ago in a past blog. You see I had a meltdown. Not a psychotic episode or a bad day at school or having a fight with my housemates, no I had a few miserable months. October, November and December to be exact. This coincided with my absence from the blogosphere in that period. The scary thing was that apart from Doc, I did not relay my fears to none of my housemates or friends. That I was going through a depressing period in Jakarta. I did not want any one to comfort me because I've always been an individual who could look after myself emotionally and therefore did not need anyone to look after me.

Unbeknownst to my friends and colleagues, I acted like everything was fine. I went to work, did my classes, gossiped with my colleagues. Everything was normal on the outside. But the reality was that I was struggling to keep it together on the inside. I was crying in my sleep, I had trouble sleeping (I would get 4 hours if I'm lucky) and I would comfort eat on all the things that were bad for me (J.CO Donuts, Ice cream, pizza, etc). The binge eating could not quell any of the negative feelings and almost immediately I would feel horrible. What was wrong with me? Why did I feel this way? How can I overcome this?

Now that I've given myself time to reflect on those months, I realized where all the negativity came from.It was the fact that I was returning home with no great prospects plus my own insecurities as a teacher. As listed below here are some of the reasons and some probable solutions.

1.)  Doubting myself as a teacher- I got given a low level adult class , a challenging teen class, a low- intermediate business class that was out of school and an intermediate business class at another school . These were classes that I've found to be tricky to teach despite my experience in teaching these levels. The elementary adult class in particular was a pain in my ass because they did not appreciate the fact that they were there to learn and not gossip. I walked out of that class a couple of times because they pissed me off that much.  The low level intermediate teen class also did my nut in because in that class I had far too many clowns who sat together and refused to work with other classmates especially female ones and therefore made the classes awkward and difficult to teach.In spite of that, I did like the little bastards in the end. The intermediate business class at the other school was fine; however, with business English the danger is low attendance and in a class of 5, there were many times I had one on one lessons with a student. Needless to say, this further pissed me off!

This then created a knock on effect on my other classes. I was just not inspired to teach, I was over it! My poor low-intermediate business class and young learners bore the brunt of it because I no longer cared. I stopped planning lessons and instead stuck to mundane bookwork which is not exciting for myself or the students. It is easy to blame the students lack of attendance and in some cases lack of enthusiasm that indeed affected me as a teacher.

I felt it wass my job to stir up interest and make them want to learn. But as I learned, education is a two way street. I could only do so much as the teacher and it is up to the students to learn and study the language outside of the classroom. My biggest peeves with all my students was tardiness and lack of attendance which of course affects their learning and ability to pass the course. I had two options either keep planning to the best of my ability and teach or stop giving a shit. I chose the later. This is not to say that I did not care about my classes and how I taught them, this was more to do with letting the students' have their own autonomy on learning. I was too scared of my students failing because of how it would reflect on me as a teacher and instead just focussed on the matter at hand which was to deliver a good lesson and if all else failed there were always extra lessons for struggling students.

2. What the fuck am I going to do when I get back to UK? Is a question I've been asking myself since November. Now that I am no longer employed, the bubble has well and truly burst. The realization that I'm no longer an ESL teacher evaporated the moment I received my bonus and flight reimbursement. I realized 'shit, this is what I have to live on for the next month and beyond'. I am so scared of going back jobless and then six months down the line, still be in that state. This question has been asked by my friends, family and even Doc. It has given me sleepless nights and headaches. After having this job, I can't look at another desk job ever again without thinking that this shit is going to be boring. So, I decided that I will venture out my once comfort zone and look seriously at areas that take my interest. ESL is of course one of those areas, in addition to social media and being a teaching assistant.

So what am I going to do? Take charge that's what! I am very fortunate to have a boyfriend who would not allow me to wallow in self loathing and unemployment; therefore, he said he will help me on my quest to find gainful employment. My five point plan of action for survival in Edinburgh is this:

• See my loved ones family, in-laws and friends in my first few weeks home.
• Fix up my CV. I'm tinkering my LinkedIn profile as we speak and will do the same with my paper CV.
• APPLY, APPLY, APPLY- for any and everything well except for bar work and waitressing. I will also look into volunteer work to beef up my ESL experience.
• Apply for a CELTA or CertTESOL course for the April, May, June and July period. I got my eye on a couple of schools in Edinburgh so watch this space. I'm aiming for that period so that by that time I could pay with my salary (if I get a job).
• If all else fails get on the Dole - well I'll give it a couple of months before I start applying.

3. Food Inglorious Food - I am gluttonous human. I binge on all kinds of bad things and it was made worst when I moved here. because most of the bad things were dirt cheap. On a weekly basis, I gorged on a variety of junk food, Indonesian food (which is fried everything and no vegetables) and drank free alcohol like it was going out of fashion (ladies night what can I say?). Great diet right? WRONG!  I virtually cut out vegetables and healthy carbs and fibre out of my diet.  Of course all of this was not good for me and so my body said fuck you and in return constipation, dehydration, migraines, insomnia, weight gain (put on 10lbs since I've been here) and stunted hair growth. I was not happy with myself because I did not feel healthy. So I reasoned with myself and felt some changes had to be made on my part.

My solution is this. When I return to the UK, I will binge for a few weeks on all the stuff that I missed out on while in Indonesia (bacon, cheese, cider, donuts and the like) and then get started on my diet and exercise plan that will eliminate all those lovely but bad things and replace them with bland but good things starting with the scary Master Clense detox diet and then phasing out processed food, alcohol and all the other bad shit. Yoga and swimming will be apart of my fitness regime as well as hill walking and biking. Doc is super happy about the latter as it is his favourite hobby.

I am happy to report that I am over my meltdown and now I can only look forward to returning home but at the same time look back with pride and fondness of my time in Indonesia.